http://www.vimeo.com/1158931

This is a short entitled 'Prick' (it shows as black swans due to vimeo uploading problems)

It's a rough cut and I don't really like it but before I redo it myself I thought I'd get a few opinions.

Notes:
the audio levels need fixing and there is some repetition, also we need to sync more with facial expressions.
The end is not really an end at all - she's supposed to pause in the hallway say "Prick" again.

it took 4 packs of chocolate biscuits and I can't even look at them now

shot with the XH-A1 and LEx

com'on guys - 77 reads, 24 have watched the short and not ONE comment?

If it's that bad fine, just let me know what needs changing?

Hi Paul. What i thought worked well were the camera moves, the story (i like how the documentary commentary kind of ties in to the emotion of the film) and the comedy, it's so hard to make people laugh but i think you managed to do that no problem. What didnt really work for me was the pace, i felt as if i was waiting for a climax that never really came and so it left me expecting a big finish or punch line. Anyway theyre just my personal opinions, i really do like the concept and i think with a bit more attention to pace and maybe throw in some sort of punchline or climax this would be a winner for me. Congrats on getting it complete, must have taken some work :)

Pacing on this kind of thing can be difficult to manage, although the pacing may have a lot to do with setting the mood.

Paul, just a few suggestions on the audio for similar projects. The tv soundtrack overpowered the dialog for the most part. I try to get a mic in close to the actors, not always having a boompole person I usually use a sturdy lightstand with a boom attached and suspend the mic over and just in front of the actors, keeping it just out of view (and I learned the hard way you can't count on the viewfinder or LCD to show you this due to "overscan"). So a quick "test" shot played back on a laptop may be required. Shooting AVCHD on flash memory makes this a tad easier as one can just pull the media card out and run the file with a software player.

The background audio (tv documentary soundtrack) can be brought in and synched as a separate audio track and the level brought down as needed until the dialogue dominates.

Just my ideas.

The camera work and acting seemed to work well.

Okay,

the climax and the audio I understand and I think the fix is easy

but the pace - how do I alter that? should the sequences be shorter? should there be more edit points?

I'm assuming the pace is too slow but how do I speed it up?