New 30sec spa & motel commercial
 

Hi folks,

Just finished a recent 30 second commercial for the Elephant Butte Inn and Ivory Spa, located in southern New Mexico. The spot will hopefully air in El Paso, for an NBC-channel affiliate.

http://madjavaproductions.com/EBInn_..._30secSpot.wmv

Shot on the XL2, 30p, with the stock 20x lens, and the 3x wide. First time color grading with MB Looks.

Let me know what y'all think!

Best,

I thought it was great. Perhaps I would reverse the first two shots and replace the fade to blacks with cuts at the start. Also, some of your titles go by too quickly to read. That's no good...The voice over is a bit flat. Could use some energy.

But looks really great, well edited and shot and effective. Nice work.

Hi Vito,

Thanks for the comments!

We were trying to follow the VO narration, so we thought the shot of the woman entering the spa should go first. (It does make it look like she's entering the lake room :)

There was plenty of info that we left out; and it's a bit challenging condensing everything in 30 seconds.

We thought we had our VO guy narrate in a relaxing, warm manner. Usually, he's shouting about used cars sales on Sunday!

Best,

Yeah, I figured that, but I find that kind of spoonfeeding a little too direct. But whatever works for you. The lake shot after the spa just looked a little weird to me.

Well, he sounds a little bored, too. By energy, I didn't mean in your face like the car commercials you mention, but at least have some sense of enthusiasm about the place. Some smile in the voice.

Anway, whatever. I liked it.

Couple of things.

First off, LOVE the first shot...looks beautiful. The second shot...eh. I mean, I've never been to that part of New Mexico, but does that still shot of the lake say "Elephant Butte"? Where's the rest of the town? Is the spa the only building there?

The VO is OK, I can see where you're going with the relaxed part. A bit too much of a pause between ideas, though. Also, with the graphics, I like the blur out, but make sure to fade the text out before going to your next shot. Looks a bit abrupt.

Other than that, congrats on the spot. I'd go there.

Jonathan

Thanks Jonathan for the comments.

Elephant Butte, NM is a small town, comprised mostly of boat and RV storage buildings, and a few business buildings. Unfortunately, the inn (and spa) is one of the bigger properties in the area.

I agree with the blur out of the graphics. I need to tighten that up a bit, and try your suggestion.

Just recently talked to our client and they said that the split screen with the couple's massage (right before the clip of the hair salon) had too much going on, and didn't really convey a relaxed feel. (But they still liked the split screen of the motel room and dining, near the end.) So, I'll need to re-edit, and hopefully post that version for you guys to look at.

Best,