Looking for criticism! A mini doc about urban farming with hydroponics

[Darren Levine]

Sony threw a nice curveball with their fs7 competition, that curveball being make a documentary with a maximum of 2 minutes runtime.

Here is my entry, which despite my own remaining nitpicks, i need to step away from for at least a few hours, in that time i'm hoping to get some constructive criticism on the piece. Too fast/too slow/good info/bad info/not clear/etc.../etc...

Please keep in mind the 2 minute restriction, making comments about being too short or not going into enough detail won't be quite so helpful ;)

enjoy

MiniDoc - Urban Farming with Hydroponics in NYC - A Boswyck Farm perspective on Vimeo

[Gary Huff]

Your zoom in during the interviews, which I assume is done in post, is too fast. Cut its speed by half. Subtle is effective here.

Your lower third is very underwhelming. I would lose the graphic portion and just have the text. Make the letters out of a font that isn't so "thick". Don't go skinny jeans though.

At 0:25 there is b-roll that starts a mere second before the zoom move is finished. Cut out that zoom and leave just the shot if there is enough material on the tail of the clip to make it work.

At 0:39, just an FYI, you need to slow down moves like this at 24p. It's far too fast and the motion blur kills it.

The fade out on the last interview happens to late. It clearly shows your subject about to say something else. Back it up a little have the fade complete before he opens his mouth to speak.

For the final logo, just make it all white on the background. Looks really bad with the white logo on the black canvas.

[Tim Paynter]

Nice work, brother. It takes a real editor to know how much you put into this. Echoing the suggestions from the previous poster, and knowing we are making tiny improvements in a project you have put a lot of time into, here are my thoughts:

1. The black backgrounds with the pictures over show the photo was not framed right to start with for this production. They will not look good on television, which may not be an issue. Video editors will spot it quick, though. I would try to find a mat background to put the photos on.

For the photos that are too small, you could try to oversize the photo and then zoom if possible. Of course, that brings up resolution and focus problems and changes the view a bit.

2. At around .51, the small insets look harsh. You might try photoshopping one and cutting out the background so they zoom in on the primary image. If one works then spend the time on the three.

3. I would work with your tail leading into the logo more with a smoother zoom.

Nice job, best of luck. I am sure others have some good thoughts for you.

Tim