Monday at the Office DV Challenge #2
 

This was named by DVinfo's own Dylan Couper because I never posted a title with the link. I think it's better than anything I would have come up with anyway. It was shot with a DVX100a and edited in Vegas 5. Questions or comments are welcome.

EDIT: I forgot to post the link : )
http://cory.xstreamhost.com/short%20...tchsecrets.mov

I liked it very much. The gag in the closet made me laugh out loud.
It had a really slick and professional look.
Good job.

Nice job!!! The crooks are an absolute crack up (especially that stuff behind the couch and the dialogue in the closet). You're a very good writer. Actually, the whole thing is just quite good!!!

BTW, does anyone say "poindexter" anymore? :)

Good job, it was a lot of fun to watch.

Practice some of the technical things, like lighting and audio and you are good for prime time. The scene breakdowns look very professional. Good blocking, and excellent slapstick. I love the Judo roll into the closet.

I would have let it end with "Poindexter" standing behind the lead looking very dangerous. The gun in the mouth is unnecessarily obvious.

Really good work. Make more.

My son, an 18 year old, and avid critic of short movies; said that this was his peoples choice, he loved it. I'm not happy with him, he was meant to say mine was his favorite! But I must say, reluctantly, (secretly) I really liked it too. Well executed.

Good writing and very entertaining. The "roll" cracked me up. Good job!

Thanks for all the comments! As for some answers -

Lorinda - Does anyone say poindexter anymore? No. I have never heard that word said in my entire life in context, hence why I chose to use it.

Daniel - We had about 3 alternate endings and that one made us laugh so hard and since it was a little controversial (people don't get why he'd open his mouth and accept the gun, and frankly neither do I) we liked it even more. I know what you're saying and thanks for the feed back!

Here's a secret about the movie as well. I am the smiling dead body in the closet : ). Although I am usually wearing glasses which the poindexter wore in the final shot.

Thanks everyone for watching and commenting.

I was amazed at how well you told the story, blocked the scenes, added humor and pulled on the emotion of fear. And you did this all in three minutes. It is a very impressive piece.

My one comment, and it is only an opinion, is that I too, like Daniel, thought that it would have been a stronger ending to not have the gun in his mouth. But then again, I do realize that some people prefer the obvious rather than simply a suggestion.

The roll into the closet was hilarious. Was that an improvised action by the actor or scripted?

The roll was not scripted. He did it on the first take kind of by accident and it turned out terrible and we all started laughing, so I told him to do it everytime. If you knew him in real life, it's extra funny because that's just what he's like. Thanks for your kind words.

I was quite impressed by the way you put such a nice flow of a story into such a short time - and quite entertaining to boot. The timing was really very good, the dialogue was a hoot, and the facial expressions behind the couch were very funny. A good piece. Job well done.
-Jon

Funny and suspenseful. What can I really say, this took #2 out of twenty. That pretty much says it all.

Oh yeah, the ending!
Cut the ending just before he puts the gun in the other guys mouth. Unrealistic to do that in an office coffee room. Better to threaten or blackmail, or do it in the bathroom out of sight.
And it would have been funnier if he wrote the other guy's name on the TV.
Thats it, looking forward to seeing your next one.