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Old April 13th, 2006, 02:01 PM   #1
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DVC5 Feedback - Tracks of Reality

I thought I would do the same as Mr.Gardner and start a feedback thread for my short! I'd first off like to say that the other three in the same thread as mine did an awesome job, and I enjoyed them very much!!

As for the specs, I shot it all with a DVX100 and a poopy tripod. I edited it on Vegas 6.0. And this is my first ever short film! :)

I'm looking forward to feedback, good or bad. . .it will only help me out! :)

Thanks guys,
Steve Shilson
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Old April 13th, 2006, 02:06 PM   #2
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I've been waiting for you to put this thread on so I can tell you what a COOL idea it was using the reflection off the rails!!! Helluvan idea!! All-in-all, really good flick and good job with the effects. Camera angles, lighting, pace, all good.
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Old April 13th, 2006, 02:22 PM   #3
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Hi Steve- I was hoping you would put up this thread too. Glad you did.

This is your FIRST short film?!? Way to go! I wish my first short film was as good as yours.

You had some wonderful shots in here. I really like the rail and your use of depth of field. It appeared that you used a rack focus shot as well. Nice.

My only other suggestion is perhaps giving away the end too early. I know it can be difficult to avoid at times.

First time out- you should be patting yourself on the back!

Best wishes~
Bradley
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Old April 13th, 2006, 02:30 PM   #4
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Hi Steve,
I liked your story, but I have to say that what really struck me is your flair for cinematography! I felt like I was watching a feature film right from the beginning. Beautiful!
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Old April 13th, 2006, 02:46 PM   #5
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I'll chime in like the others: awesome cinemetography! How did you get so many shots with the small depth of field? It looked fabulous!

Well done,
Bill
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Old April 13th, 2006, 03:00 PM   #6
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You da man Steve. I gave you my feedback on the 'Link *wink*
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Old April 13th, 2006, 03:01 PM   #7
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I was really struck by the beautiful cinematography as well - really nicely shot. The family shots work really well, and the black sweatshirt w/hood are great too, makes you feel like he's a modern spectre-type figure. Very cool. I think this kind of cinematography is really popular right now -- very modern. I've always wanted to do it that way, but don't really know where to start, so I end up looking pretty old-school most of the time.

I guess I felt like the voice-over was a little hurried and overbearing, didn't really match the quality of the photography, and the music sounded like a loop that just kept getting faster. I know exactly what you were going for, and you got really close, but I felt like it was trying to steal attention from the photography rather than work with it -- something like that.

Just my own opinion, but it really turned out great -- something to be proud of. I'll be using your film as a reference next time I try to shoot train tracks.
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Old April 13th, 2006, 03:05 PM   #8
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That's an awesome first effort. You used some really good camera angles, and your lighting in all your shots looked really good and natural.
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Old April 13th, 2006, 03:13 PM   #9
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First ever short film? You had me fooled. I'm in love with all the focus decisions you made, especially looking straight down the tracks, with only the nearest tie in focus. The variety of camera angles was quite pleasing, and the widescreen framing? Smoove diamonds.

The only thing I find a bit out of place is a few of the dialogue pieces. "Questions like this just continuously ponder through my head", and one or two others, sound a bit strange. Almost like there are too many words, if that makes any sense. Hard to explain, maybe it's just my inner Grammar Nazi showing through.

Other than that, it's wonderful--though I do wonder how those objects were propped against the rails without being destroyed, or at least knocked out of the way, when the next train passed. :)
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Old April 13th, 2006, 03:22 PM   #10
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No way I would have figured out this is your first short. VERY VERY VERY good job! One of my favorites of the day! (too bad Wall of Shamers can't vote, hum?)

Loved the cinematography decisions, and loved the story and twist. My only repair would be that the dialogue as he looks at the picture [no spoilers here] is maybe a bit too theatrical, and sounds a bit out of place.

Overall, very good work.

Hugo
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Old April 13th, 2006, 10:16 PM   #11
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i have a nostalgia thing for railroads, probably from hearing the train whistle through my window in the summer as a child, and have been wanting to shoot some stock RR footage just to have it and because it seems like it would be a fun thing to shoot...the geometry and spatial vectors are so cool. you made great use of that here. i really, really enjoyed the railroad footage. some unique angles.

excellent. i can't believe this is your first effort, really. my own was so utterly ham-handed, and this is so polished.
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Old April 14th, 2006, 03:35 AM   #12
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You had some really nice shots. I wouldn't have ever guessed it was your first film. Great job!
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Old April 14th, 2006, 07:16 AM   #13
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I really like some of the shots in here. great job.
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Old April 14th, 2006, 11:19 AM   #14
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I also echo the cheers for the cinematrogaphy. Excellent. The only criticism that I would have would be that as the film neared the end, some of the scenes seemed drawn out, Maybe it was just the effect of the music. Overall, excellent job.
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Old April 14th, 2006, 04:36 PM   #15
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Somehow, your short reminds me of the movie "The Others" (with Nicole Kidman) - the theme strikes the center of metaphysical hopes and fears (ouch) - difficult for me to explain in a foreign language... I like it!
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