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Old March 16th, 2008, 11:02 PM   #1
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Please Judge my work Download clip Link:

Shot HD100 720p 30p
Edited AE CS3 Comp settings 1080p/23.98 used resizer 2.0 for uprez.


Quality small for upload.....

http://www.box.net/shared/k6ymvjds08
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Old March 17th, 2008, 05:00 PM   #2
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Hey Steven,

What kind of light did you use on the shot with the girl with the glasses (16sec)?
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Old March 17th, 2008, 05:13 PM   #3
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DP-1497 Kit

http://cgi.ebay.com/PHOTO-DIGITAL-VI...713.m153.l1262

So what would you change in the commercial??
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Old March 21st, 2008, 08:25 AM   #4
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Personally, I'd spend more time concentrating on the comedy than the cuisine, since people are going to come here for comedy and not the food. You put more time on the girl talking about the dip and salmon than anything else. She repeats herself about how good the food is - all I remember at the end is that the food is good. With precious seconds, I'd spend as much time on the comedy as possible. It's OK to mention the food, just trim it down.

The one punchline you do have is partially cut off or garbled, I listened to it several times and I didn't get it - the first words I can make out are "girls at the bank..." Your one joke should at least be funny. I'd change the joke to something that doesn't need a set-up, like this one seems to need.

Then for the audience reaction shot, I'd put another joke VO over that. It's too long of a laugh when we don't even realize what is funny. Also I'd speed the effects up a little bit - get them on screen faster.

2for1 should be bigger at the end, since you are highlighting it with the VO, although I don't think you need the VO for the special - I'd put another zinger one-liner VO over the logo at the end.

Hope this helps. I miss the critiques that we used to do in film school. The class would totally break it down and then you'd have a bunch of suggestions to play around with.
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Old March 21st, 2008, 08:31 AM   #5
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Thx Taylor!

Everything you mentioned was on point..
We have trashed that first draft and started from scratch at this point...
I will repost new commercial when finished...
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 07:35 AM   #6
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Hey Steve,

I really like the graphics work, My only suggestion would be to give a little more "oomph" to the backround. Perhaps still use the light treatment in the upper left, but put some wide shots of the club as your backround in black and white and a bit blurred instead of just the black, still getting the same effect but using a bit more footage so people viewing can get a sense of what the club is like.....Unless of course the place is a dump....just kidding, overall I liked it.
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 10:45 AM   #7
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Thx David

I might do that.....
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 10:57 AM   #8
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Steve
Thought the editing was GREAT. Loved the overlay. If you do not mind sharing how did you do the graphics? The boxes around the subject was perfect. If you do not mind I would love to know how your secret. Thought it was a great clip, well done.
ken

ken@boudinmedia.com
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 01:19 PM   #9
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Thanks Ken!

There is a link above to the company that makes AE templates at a great price....Thats how the graphics were done...
Mention my name and get a discount....
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 04:42 PM   #10
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Steve,

Overall I liked the flow. I'd go along with a couple of the other comments re the realtive amount of time spent on various shots - could be balanced a bit better, but the pace is good - maybe a bit jerky for my old fashioned tastes, but all in all, pretty good - better than a lot of what one sees on TV these days. Graphocs worked well and didn't distract. Nice job!

I think I'd cut the last girl off right after she says that the food is really good

My main suggestion for improvement would be the sound - sort of thin/harsh and nasal. No resonance or fullness to the voices. Sort of like a not so great phone line. If you compare the comments with the VO at the end, the contrast is pretty great. Makes the customer comments sort of hard to understand. Understand that the environment isn't the best for great audio, but I think it could be less harsh. Music also sounded a bit tinny.
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 05:17 PM   #11
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Thx! for suggestions

I agree with the audio,Im workn on the revised commercial will keep in mind...
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Old March 22nd, 2008, 08:42 PM   #12
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HELLO STEVE
will those graphics work with VEGAS 6.0
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Old March 23rd, 2008, 01:44 AM   #13
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Hey Joseph!

The are made for AE..
I would start learning Adobe,whole other world of possiblities!
I was Vegas till 3 months ago started Adobe products...
Download a demo...
You can work with 3D enviroments and Virtial Camera..and so many tools to play with... Big movies are made with Adobe.........
Thx for looking!
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Old March 23rd, 2008, 03:23 AM   #14
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I'd make the point somewhere in the spot about how much fun it is to go to the place. I wouldn't bother showing a joke, the one you have is either incomplete or simply not funny. Made me think that place has lousy comics. Show a comedian yes, but have some other v/o.
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Old March 23rd, 2008, 09:01 AM   #15
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Brian

You are correct! We have decided to use clips of comedians no audio from them!
Thx...Ill have the new spot done Wed.
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