Scene from new short film...
 

This is a scene from a new short film I am making. I will not tell you the synopsis, b/c I have a little bit riding on this. It's for an upcoming film festival.

http://www.websamba.com/rch-entertai...tudio/mug.html

Let me know what you guys think.

Just watched your clip..

What I did not like was the acting during the walk before the bad guy comes, it looks forced and the steadycam is a bit shaky sometimes (something on wheels on an uneven sidewalk?). On the other hand, the bit where he is about to shoot him does work pretty well, it felt quite real to me.

The flashbacks.. well, I do get the intention but the exexution is too simple and your timing is a little off. Tweak on the timing of the images and the fades, add a beefier soundeffect and it looks better.

Visually it looks too much like DV to me, I guess you didn't bounce any light or so? Will there be color grading when the short is finished?

Hope I didn't kill your movie now ;-)

Cheers, Peter

that was a rough edit, so the color grading hasnt been done yet.
I will take ur suggestions for the final edit. In case you were wondering, I shot it on a PVDV953 frame mode 16:9 and twixored to 24p.

About 1minute in (when he goes to pick up the donuts) you can see a girl standing in the background. Is she supposed to be there? She is gone in the next shot, so that made me think it was an accident.

NOPE :-)

First off, I liked the long intro of the guy walking. It really got me wondering what was going on. It's great to put your audience in that position. I think one of the biggest mistakes in films is revealing too much too fast.

Anyways, I did have a problem with the shakiness of the shot in a few places. If you're using a steadicam, maybe try doing that shot while sitting in the back of a slow-moving pickup. You'll probably have little-to-no shake with that technique.

Without knowing more about the movie, it's tough to comment. But everything else looked pretty good.

Well I actually don't own a stedicam yet, so it was just be walking with a tripod pretending it to be a steadicam. LOL

Ah, no worries. I'm in the same situation. Still trying to pay off all my other equipment before I get any new 'toys'.

Still, if you sat in the back of a truck ( or on the hood of a car going backwards - trickier for the driver), you'd get a pretty shake-free shot I think.

i might try and redo that shot if i have the time

Yeah, I understand. Just thought it might be useful advice for the future as well. Good luck!

Shaky tracking shots like the one in your short can work if they are intentionally shaky, like if it fits the mood of the short (see Morvern Callar) however, as mentioned, it's pretty clear that you don't want a shaky feel in this instance. I like the shots you have but I think your weakest point is your editing. It just feels like there's a lack of editing rhythm, like your shots just kinda flash on the screen because you wanted to use them. You might want to reconsider some of the faster edits to either ditch a few of your shots that you don't need, or re-edit them in a way that fits the flow of your scene so we don't get these shots that are so fast you barely see them. In a quick cut feeling movie, these fast cuts work because they allow you just enough time to register the new shot THEN change to a new shot, they have a rhythm and serve a purpose. I just feel like your shots now are used because you think they look cool. You have to make them work for the viewer as well. Finally, the little girl has to be taken out of your film. I would rather a jump cut by just taking out that shot altogether than leave her in there. It really distracts from a mood your trying to build when there's such a huge continuity flaw like that not to mention her all white clothes are very conspicuous against the rest of your darker look.

I don't mean to be harsh, I just think that it's better for you to hear it in a production stage rather than after the final edit :)

Ok, Ive posted a color corrected version, with music behind it. Tell me if it works better with the music.
www.websamba.com/rch-entertainment/mug.html

Music improves (as it generally always does) it. One thing though is that you may want to cut down on the bird sound effects because they stand out a bit too much througout the whole thing. Maybe lowering the volume on them or something like that.

that is actually in the original audio, the mic picked it up, i dunno what the heck all those birds were doing there

<<<-- Originally posted by Riley Harmon : that is actually in the original audio, the mic picked it up, i dunno what the heck all those birds were doing there -->>>

Ah, hehe. Well it's not that big of a deal, but they really do sound like a loop. :P