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Old May 20th, 2004, 02:12 PM   #1
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New Commercial

Some of you may remember my infamous "bar sucked up into flying saucer" commercial several weeks ago. Here's the first sequel:

http://www.crimsonbutterfly.com/video/Mars.wmv
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Old May 21st, 2004, 07:35 AM   #2
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That was pretty neat. I really disliked the titles though. That
screamed non-professional. The girl shot lasted far too long in
my opinion as well. Perhaps some shots of people dining or
shots of the food would've been nice to add as well?

I seemed to have missed your earlier movie? Can you link to
that thread?
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Old May 21st, 2004, 01:53 PM   #3
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Rob- is it just the fact that the titles are straight out of Vegas, or the way I used them (or both)? I really value your opinion, and this is going on the air.....
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Old May 21st, 2004, 05:42 PM   #4
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THe clip is 1 minute, 5 seconds long. Is it a television commercial? Technically it seems too long.

Like the creative work but I think it is too long and could easily fit into 30 seconds with no loss of impact.
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Old May 21st, 2004, 07:15 PM   #5
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What does that heve to do with the titles? I sit down with the customer and start cutting.
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Old May 21st, 2004, 09:15 PM   #6
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<<<-- Originally posted by George Brackett III : What does that heve to do with the titles? I sit down with the customer and start cutting. -->>>

Nothing. Didn't realize all you wanted was comments on the titles.
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Old May 21st, 2004, 09:24 PM   #7
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I like the intro, it kept me watching till I could figure out what was going on.

Some things to try:
1. I'd try to make the final shot/logo stand out more. After watching the video twice, I couldn't remember the name of the place it was trying to advertise. Maybe somebody saying the name of the place so it sticks in the viewer's head. I did remember it was about wings, and there might be pretty girls there - so that did stick in my head.

2. I felt like the titles with the smiling girl didn't really stand out. You might try experimenting with a non-serif fonts (Arial etc) to see if it makes it stand out more and/or makes it more legible.

3. I thought a light translucent bar behind the text would make it stand out more and make it more readable. Or some other form of lower thirds graphics.

4. I thought there was a lot of trailing blank screen at the end which could probably be cut short or used for something else.
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Old May 22nd, 2004, 06:55 AM   #8
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Thanks Michael- I'll give it a try. I've got Ulead Cool 3d, maybe I'll try something with that, too....
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 08:28 AM   #9
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Did you change the titling, George? I do agree with the length
issue. It could easily be shortened. I'll see if I can put up another
version.
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 09:47 AM   #10
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Hi Rob- I added the establishment's "official" logo as a title, and shortened the clip to just over 30 seconds- George

PS the original commercial is here:

http://www.crimsonbutterfly.com/video/UFO.wmv
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 11:00 AM   #11
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It is still 50 seconds here. I've shortened it to 33 seconds to see
if I could fiddle a bit with it. It's definitely getting way better!

I'll check out your other short.

You can check out my 33 second version here

EDIT: I see you've put up a shorter version as well and ours
are pretty similar although not entirely. I like the logo, looks
better. I'm not sure I would use it at the start myself though.
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 11:48 AM   #12
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I like it. But my version is shorter- you might have to refresh the page tp get it out of your browser buffer- George
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 11:57 AM   #13
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how much does it cost to use that song track?

The copy (about the wings) and the girl have nothing to do with the fact that they are on Mars. I'm not sure I get it... I'd also suggest to use stills instead of inconsistently strobey video or start with mission control to introduce the vo and then drop the split screen thing...
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 12:01 PM   #14
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OK... I watched the original one (1/2 of it as it drops to buffer mid-way through... and though I understand that the bar is now on Mars I still don't really get the followup spot.
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Old May 23rd, 2004, 12:58 PM   #15
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How about this.

Reshoot the girl and when you dolly out she is sitting next to an alien at the bar. As this happens voice-over "best wings in the universe" and then fade to a graphic something like what Rob did. There is lots of room in pan over mars to cut to fit all this in 30 sec.

Just a thought.
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