Clean

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

This is my third attempt at a film. It is a 60 second thriller which I made with an eye to submitting it to a local one minute film festival.

I'd appreciate any comments you can offer.

Thanks in advance.

http://zed.cbc.ca/go.ZeD?POS=2&CONTE...t&user=angel13

[John Hudson]

Not too bad; considering you had :60 in which to say what you had to say. My subjective comments are as follows:

1. The Credits are kind of overkill for a :60 short.
2. The COMPS and FRAMING, although nice, could have been much more creative; instead of standing outside the tub, why not get in the tub or go right over it or even shoot from outsaide looking into the doorway? Just some thoughts.
3. The music is nice; but damn if it could not have been more 'Thriller' in ambeince. Spooky would be better; disturbing.

That being said I liked it. Keep it up!

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

Thanks John!

I really appreciate the comments.

I had thought about some other shots and had filmed a long shot through the door as you had suggested. I hoped to open with this but quickly found out that time was too much of a constraint. So a lot of this was cut out to make it fit for 60 seconds. The close ups of the face straight on were shot from inside the tub. I also had some long shots from inside the tub but as my character was not moving I did not use them as I needed to get him to sink into the tub quick enough for the time limit. So they were also cut. I also didn't want to reveal too much too quickly (i.e. he is meant to be dieing of knife wounds which are not revealed to the camera until the end).

Next time I think I need to do this a little less improvised and a little more planned so I can include a bit more variety on the shots.

I also realise the credits are a bit annoying. I'll make a second longer version with them at the end which I can submit to other less time constraining festivals.

Thanks again. All comments are very much appreciated as I am learning as I go.

Best Regards,

Geoff

[Travis Maynard]

I loved it!

It definitely had me thinking and had me thinking well over 5 minutes after I had viewed it.

It was haunting and the music added a lot to that.

I agree with the credits in the 60 second version. Not really needed, but still didn't take away from the movie.

Post the longer edit when you complete it!

Keep it up.

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

Thanks Travis!!

[Glen Chua]

This was good stuff man! I enjoyed it, but I don't believe you need credits for a 60 second video. This was quite good and a major improvment from your last film!

[Ahmet Ilhan]

quite impressive.
i agree there is a clear improvement in your films.
just an observation. maybe you are better with the picture rather than writing scripts.

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

Thanks guys.

Actually if you saw my first film you probably would argue I was no good with the picture as well.

I'm learning by doing and watching others.

I think the second film "Joy Ride" was a big improvement in the picture over the first "The Review" (although I still had some room to improve as the white walls in the background were a major mistake).

The third I focused on improving the storyline. The picture partly improved here with better equipment as well.

Next one will include dialog and a twist so I hope this disproves my inabilities in the script department. Perhaps my bad acting though will be more obvious! ;-)

Thanks again!

Best Regards,

Geoff

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

I've fixed up the 60 second edit with regards to the credits and I've finished a longer edit version which plays out with some comic elements. I also think the start is improved a little with the extra shots which were cut for the time limited version.

Your comments are much appreciated.

The short version is at the link posted at the beginning of this thread and the long version is at:

http://zed.cbc.ca/go.ZeD?CONTENT_ID=...t&user=angel13

Thanks in advance.

Best Regards,

Geoff

[Rob Lohman]

I watched this just now and must say I was impressed. Very good
work. I actually preferred the current 60 second cut over the longer
one. Nice, short and powerful!

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

Thanks Rob!

Can you be more specific about why you didn't like the longer version?

I wasn't sure whether the ending after the credits now lightens it up a bit too much.

One of the people at work said they loved the synopsis so I thought of adding it at the beginning in the long version and when I showed this at work to a group of people they all laughed at the moment the knife appeared.

It is tough when you know the story as well as I do now to see how someone seeing it for the first time would respond so I'm curious to get that insight.

Thanks again.

Best Regards,

Geoff

[Geoffrey Engelbrecht]

In case anyone is still interested in seeing these two versions ZED has changed their web address format. The new addresses are:

60 second version
http://zed.cbc.ca/go?c=contentPage&C...7&user=angel13

long version
http://zed.cbc.ca/go?c=contentPage&C...7&user=angel13

Regards,

Geoff

[Rob Lohman]

I can't tell you exactly why I liked the shorter version. The longer
one felt a bit like it really wasn't adding anything. Usually shorter
is better (ie, people tend to drag things out too much) it seems.

However, I did watch the short version first and then the longer
one, so perhaps that skewed my point of view. Who knows.