Untitled Short Film

Mike Toledano · May 25th, 2006, 05:22 PM

I just finished this short film for my school's short film festival next week. If you want a good laugh, check it out. It's four minutes and may appear a little slow at first, but it definitely builds up.

Check it out here:
http://media.putfile.com/Untitled-Short-Film

Let me know what you think,
-Mike

Peter Costello · May 25th, 2006, 05:40 PM

I dont get it.

Mike Toledano · May 25th, 2006, 06:58 PM

What don't you get?

Jesper Andersson · May 25th, 2006, 10:05 PM

Sorry, i failed to understand what supposed to be funny.
Did not laugh once so maybe a explanation on why i should have laughed?

Mike Toledano · May 26th, 2006, 06:36 AM

Hmm... we had a screening in a group setting. About 20 people, most of whom really enjoyed watching. Perhaps its better in a group setting, or when you're 17.

Chris Harris · June 29th, 2006, 06:48 PM

I'm sure your school will love it. I bet the humor is in seeing your friends eat a ridiculously large sandwich.

How much did that thing cost though? And how long was it? And who really ate it all?

Don Donatello · June 30th, 2006, 02:15 AM

i liked the way you shot-edited the piece ...
the music works AND i think the piece works without the music ...
on 2nd viewing i found the music distracting ...
seems you could take down the music when they reach the sandwich? add sound effects of some type ??

Justin Tomchuk · June 30th, 2006, 10:05 AM

I'm going to be honest with you, the first minute and a twenty seconds was boring and useless. I couldn't see what he was doing, I think you should have showed maybe a closer shot to see what he was doing. I understood that they were eating a large sub, but I don't know what was funny. I didn't understand the empire bit either.

I think this must been sort of 'you had to know them' type of films, or 'you had to be there'.

There was an awful lot of people in your credits, I don't understand how they could have all been used. Why were there so many stuntmen? I also know how sometimes working with a large team can be difficult to take control of a final product, or have final cut etc. In conclusion, I think the video looked great, but I am not so sure about the final product.

Justin

Pete Bauer · June 30th, 2006, 03:14 PM

Agreed; no laugh, but then I am old. A 30 second piece crammed into 4 minutes.

Although it won't save the piece, a small suggestion: instead of the "The Next Day" text, how about -- for example -- a quick fade to black, moon with crickets, fade up with birds chirping or something. Five to 8 seconds max that would establish passage of time more symbolically than block text. If you have time to re-cut, I'd suggest beginning with the contestants fearfully eyeing the sub, perhaps with the masked guy in the background. Then, the ending will have some context.

Lorinda Norton · June 30th, 2006, 04:33 PM

Sheesh, Mike--tough audience, eh? :)

Okay, so maybe I didn't laugh, but this was harmless, so tongue-in-cheek, some of the images were quite nice (boy, sure made me hungry!), and silly to the core. But I've seen so much worse, and as Don said, some of your shots were really well done.

Maybe it helps that I hang around with kids...I dunno, but I thought it was kinda funny. Animal control.... lol

May 25th, 2006, 05:22 PM	#1
Mike Toledano Regular Crew Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 85	Untitled Short Film - If you need a good laugh I just finished this short film for my school's short film festival next week. If you want a good laugh, check it out. It's four minutes and may appear a little slow at first, but it definitely builds up. Check it out here: http://media.putfile.com/Untitled-Short-Film Let me know what you think, -Mike

May 26th, 2006, 06:36 AM	#5
Mike Toledano Regular Crew Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 85	Hmm... we had a screening in a group setting. About 20 people, most of whom really enjoyed watching. Perhaps its better in a group setting, or when you're 17. Last edited by Mike Toledano; May 26th, 2006 at 07:49 PM.

June 30th, 2006, 03:14 PM	#9
Pete Bauer Wrangler Join Date: May 2003 Location: Eagle River, AK Posts: 4,100	Agreed; no laugh, but then I am old. A 30 second piece crammed into 4 minutes. Although it won't save the piece, a small suggestion: instead of the "The Next Day" text, how about -- for example -- a quick fade to black, moon with crickets, fade up with birds chirping or something. Five to 8 seconds max that would establish passage of time more symbolically than block text. If you have time to re-cut, I'd suggest beginning with the contestants fearfully eyeing the sub, perhaps with the masked guy in the background. Then, the ending will have some context. __________________ Pete Bauer The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. Albert Einstein Trying to solve a DV mystery? You may find the answer behind the SEARCH function ... or be able to join a discussion already in progress!

June 30th, 2006, 04:33 PM	#10
Lorinda Norton Wrangler Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southwest Idaho, USA Posts: 3,066	Sheesh, Mike--tough audience, eh? :) Okay, so maybe I didn't laugh, but this was harmless, so tongue-in-cheek, some of the images were quite nice (boy, sure made me hungry!), and silly to the core. But I've seen so much worse, and as Don said, some of your shots were really well done. Maybe it helps that I hang around with kids...I dunno, but I thought it was kinda funny. Animal control.... lol __________________ Lorinda

May 25th, 2006, 05:40 PM	#2
Peter Costello Regular Crew Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 29	I dont get it.

May 25th, 2006, 06:58 PM	#3
Mike Toledano Regular Crew Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 85	What don't you get?

May 25th, 2006, 10:05 PM	#4
Jesper Andersson Regular Crew Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Sweden - Halmstad Posts: 28	Sorry, i failed to understand what supposed to be funny. Did not laugh once so maybe a explanation on why i should have laughed?

June 29th, 2006, 06:48 PM	#6
Chris Harris Major Player Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: San Francisco, California Posts: 487	I'm sure your school will love it. I bet the humor is in seeing your friends eat a ridiculously large sandwich. How much did that thing cost though? And how long was it? And who really ate it all?

June 30th, 2006, 02:15 AM	#7
Don Donatello Hawaiian Shirt Mogul Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: northern cailfornia Posts: 1,261	i liked the way you shot-edited the piece ... the music works AND i think the piece works without the music ... on 2nd viewing i found the music distracting ... seems you could take down the music when they reach the sandwich? add sound effects of some type ??

June 30th, 2006, 10:05 AM	#8
Justin Tomchuk Regular Crew Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Montreal Posts: 164	I'm going to be honest with you, the first minute and a twenty seconds was boring and useless. I couldn't see what he was doing, I think you should have showed maybe a closer shot to see what he was doing. I understood that they were eating a large sub, but I don't know what was funny. I didn't understand the empire bit either. I think this must been sort of 'you had to know them' type of films, or 'you had to be there'. There was an awful lot of people in your credits, I don't understand how they could have all been used. Why were there so many stuntmen? I also know how sometimes working with a large team can be difficult to take control of a final product, or have final cut etc. In conclusion, I think the video looked great, but I am not so sure about the final product. Justin