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Old March 1st, 2007, 11:01 AM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Please take 5 minutes - Short Film

This is my second short film. Thanks for your time.
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Old March 1st, 2007, 01:09 PM   #2
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Well... I watched it.

Please don't read this unless you have watched the movie.


Not bad... I thought it was a little slow paced though.

I get the whole confession thing... and his buddy not paying attention to it. I'm assuming that he missed the interview? Maybe showing the time... seeing him drive somewhere/buddies place... looking at a card with the address of the interview, tossing it aside.

It's just not very clear to me.

I'm also assuming that he beats his wife/GF? Not a very good main character, and not very like-able.

Technically, there should have definitely been some video game sounds in the background. It just seemed fake without it. Also.. seeing it interlaced looked messy at times.

I do like the story though, I just feel it needs a little work around the edges.
Nice work overall! Just trying to help...


My short films... The Interview & Calls From The Führerbunker
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Old March 6th, 2007, 10:56 PM   #3
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First off, the camera work bugged the heck outa me. Your opening shot really irked me, seeing her half out of the frame and trying to figure out your motivation for that shot. There are far better ways to show that he was no longer in the bed.

In the interiour scenes, like the house and the hotel room (?) conversation with his friend, your camera work was erratic, a lot of non-steadied motion shots that just look amateure. If you had a steady-cam or a dolly, it would've been fine, but that jerky "oops, let me move over here" look with the camera just didn't work for me.

You also kept drifting the camera, I assume for some "visual style", but it was completely and utterly unmotivated. If you're going to show his foot, at least have him be fidgety or something, have some REASON to show his foot in the middle of his dialogue, other than to just have some other shot than his face.

Your compositions were off-kilter, the dialogue was really quiet.

The shot at 5:14, need more of that. Static, well composed, nice lighting, lots of emotion in that shot.

Just overall, the technical work was really really not good, in my opinion. Others may feel different, but I just really didn't think it worked at all. Even the framerate was bugged, is that something On The Lot is doing? I see a lot of submissions with horrid framerates...

The story, situations, acting, all that stuff is all fine. It all just really got overshadowed by me squinting past all the technical deficiencies to see the meat of it. This short just really didn't work for me.

If I'm raining on your parade 'cause you did all that stuff on purpose, I genuinely am interested in seeing your reasoning. I'm serious, I really would like to know, 'cause right now it all just looked "wrong" to me.

Sorry there wasn't much positive...
Dan Gast
JD Video Productions
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Old March 10th, 2007, 03:52 AM   #4
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A man sits on a sofa, playing with his nuts. Then we cut to a bedside table where there's a bunch of used tissues; not sure what you're getting at there, but it made me laugh.

You need to work on your camera operating and choice of angles - some of it was just plain bad.

Sorry, I can't be more positive.

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Old March 10th, 2007, 01:09 PM   #5
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A quick appology, I didn't see that this is only your second short ever. In that reguard, I guess some helpful hints are in order (I feel bad about all the negative stuff...)

You might want to try just throwing the camera on a tripod more. Less motion shots, more static shots, until you get a better feel for framing and atmosphere and composition and such. What the camera sees is every bit as important as what's happening in the scene, how it's lit, how the acting is, etc. Try not to move the camera much unless there's a good reason.

Like drifting your framing down to his foot to reveal he's nervous, 'cause his foot is twitching, that's artistic. Drifting down there just to drift 'cause you're bored of that silly. It's a fine line, keep working at it.
Dan Gast
JD Video Productions
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Old April 6th, 2007, 08:31 PM   #6
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I do agree, the videography was sub-par. Try framing, as mentioned before, and keep the talent actually in the shots. I know you were trying to be artistic and there is nothing wrong with that, but you must know the rules before you can break them.

Assuming that you did not go to school for video or film, it really wasn't that bad and you do have potential, especially as a writer. Learn the basics of shooting before you start to "think outside the box". Keep shooting religiously and I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Just my 2 pennies,
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Old April 7th, 2007, 01:08 AM   #7
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Hey Dan, did you use any special lighting or did you just use the regular lights in the rooms?
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