Need feedback for this bath scene (filming in progress)

[Donald Blake]

Hey everyone!

I recently filmed this scene and i want to film the rest of the short with similar shots and editing, but before i do this i wanted to get feedback or approval by experts over here, instead of the "looks great" i get from ordinary people.

This is just a small portion of the short so you wont understand the story, i filmed it in HD(60i) with my HDR-FX1 and down-converted it in SD / 24P(avi) using Vegas 7 then transfered it in WMV (500kbps) for youtube so the quality isn't that good (darks are pale)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qUmT10ebps

Here are shots i made for another scene, but these are only tests... and i was alone pushing the dolly and turning the camera at the same time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiIOF1-V_Fg

I need any kind of feedback on the shots(filming), angles, lighting, acting, editing, script(this scene only) etc...

p.s. i used a song that i don't have any copywrights on, but i'm working right now with a musician and his studio to see if we could make a song for this project, i want it to be a kinda music video type or "musical short" since i don't have the equipment or knowledge yet for audio and i'm completely alone for my projects... thanks in advance!

[Bennis Hahn]

The opening spin really threw me off. Kudos for trying it, but it's too much IMO. I liked the quick zooms and most of your angles. The doorbell angle was really "I set up the tripod and pressed rec" Maybe rethink that shot.

The biggest thing is that this could really be a 20sec tops sequence. After she leaved the bathroom we (the audience) naturally connect that she would head to the front door. We don't need to see here walking towards/away from the camera or down the stairs. Cut that all out.

[Donald Blake]

Bennis, thanks for your comments!

The opening shot is a long dolly-in type of shot and and looked kinda lenghty so i tought... ha ha but i gotta admit i was'nt sure about it myself!

The other shot i wasn't sure about was the doorbell shot, looks amateur if you ask me, but i need that angle for another shot i'm gonna be using later on, so people can identify with it... so i don't know what to do about it? maybe i'll shift the angle at about 15deg??

For the walking to the door sequence, it dosen't help that you don't know the story plot, also if i have to use this song i've chosen i need "filling" with these inserts because i'm adapting my film to the song, if i can cut a deal with a musician surely i can pull them out and adapt the music to my film. I guess we'll see later when i'll be finished with the filming and all, at least i know what i could cut out... thanks Bennis!! I really appreciate it...

[Donald Blake]

I only got one feedback yet (thanks Bennis!) I want to shoot the rest of the short but I don't know what you guys think about it, do I keep on goiing as it is or do I need to change something? even if you guys think it sucks, I don't mind you telling me! beiing honest is only gonna help me...

[Gary McClurg]

Not sure what type of story your telling so that will determine some things... but I agree with Bennis it could be cut down...

Also when she steps out of the bath we can tell she wasn't in water... or at least that's the way it appears...

[Geir Inge]

Hi Donald.
I've seen your videoclip and think it was well done.
I agreed, though, with Bennis that you can cut some of the walking scene.
But I liked the part where she walks "through" the camera, it was smooth and nice done. When making films we/you have to leave some of the thinking to the audience. About the music I can't say much, it all depends on what this film is for. Commercials often use music with lyrics, but I prefer music without singing, but then I'm in to wildlife stuff :)

[Paul R Johnson]

surely the music wasn't what will be used? I thought it was just a random track played rather than silence.

Water is the key element missing - no wetness. The angles are a little unusual, and all seem low - some work, like the through the open stairs. Some like the towards the camera and reverse are too cliche'd to work in anything other than a pop video (in my humble opinion). I agree the doorbell shot just isn't framed that well, and is too distant to have any real power - also, the brickwork is just a bit unvisual?

[Simon Jones]

Not a fan of the zooms, or atleast not a fan of them twice in a row...

Also not a fan of the spin, but everything else was pretty good.

Simon

[Chris C. Collins]

I liked it quite a bit. Cut the long dolly down to about the last 3 seconds of it and remove that spin. Perhaps just start that shot with the spin ending? If you get what I mean...

I agree with most of the people above that it could be cut down. I think most of the stationary shots should be cut down because they don't flow well with the other playful camera work. Cut the one stepping out, just go straight to that really tight walking shot you have. (I loved it, well done, good dolly when the subject was walking away from the cam.)

Other than the quality I enjoyed it all. Good tone/lighting. And GREAT music choice, too bad Audioslave split up recently.

Great job though, perhaps we could see the final when it's done, and give you feedback before you do the FINAL cut.

Looking forward to it, excellent work.

[Donald Blake]

Wow guys! thanks for the feedback! i needed that...

Like i said before good or bad feedback, for me it's all good!

Here's some explanation for you guys.

1- For the "wet look" actually there was water in the tub, and all over the floor, but on Youtube with the quality problem you can't see it...

2- The doorbell shot, i finally changed it! zoomed in and tilted the cam by 15deg.

3- For the lenght of the scene, if i make my own music i will cut the scene down and adapt my music to the scenario but if i don't make my music, i will have to adapt my scenario to the song itself, to each peaks, verse, chorus etc... wich will decide the lenght of each scene, that's why certain scenes might be longer than they should be...

4- The song by Audioslave will fit perfectly the scenario, once it's finished you guys will understand... (I hope!!)

Thanks again! really appreciated, i will continu shooting and i will post the link to the final product in a couple of weeks.

[Bob Benkosky]

I think the contrast needs to be altered. It appears too flat.

That might be only my opinion but, you asked.

[Donald Blake]

Your right bob, it is too flat, but that's only after i convert my AVI file to WMV for Youtube, you should see the actual AVI file on my PC monitor in my opinion it's really nice!! if you noticed there's one shot i did with the alarm clock and colored candles, that one really pops out with the contrast/sharpness/colors! but on Youtube you barely notice it...