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Old April 6th, 2007, 07:07 PM   #1
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Check this out please!

Hey guys, Im only a senior in high school, and we did this for fun...

Movie is not that great, but it didnt turn out half bad.

***Warning*** Lots of language (unfortunatly, I wish there wasnt) lol...Not a movie for your children.

Its not finished, we're waiting for me to finish working on my sniper rifle for the final scene.

Please dont laugh, this is the first non-school related movie I did... It is not amazing, I have some better stuff, but its not ready yet.


PART 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-uC6RWZTEM

PART 2: (theres like 35 seconds of black at the beginning)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M-H0...e=user&search=

Dont be too harsh! :D

(Yes I know there is wayyy too much swearing, all the actors improved for this)
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Old April 6th, 2007, 08:14 PM   #2
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Meh.

Something about this movie that I just can't shake the amateur feel to it. Maybe it was the boring angles, the music, or the downloaded font that did it. The movie didn't grip me at all, it was more me looking forward to it being over. The movie didn't start with something that would catch my attention, just obvious fake drug use.

I didn't watch part 2.

Sorry if this is too harsh, just trying to help you improve I guess.

What'd you shoot this on?
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Old April 6th, 2007, 10:09 PM   #3
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Eh, whatever... It is quite amateur...

GL-1, but it was extremely condensed to fit YouTube's standards... It went from like 600megs to like 23megs or something so the quality went to crap...

Any criticism appreciated!

Drug use was quite fake, there is some more in the second part, that was a bit more accurate lol... I think the amateur feel comes from the fact that we're all 17 and 18...And aweful actors lol... Or the amatuer filming techniques...

Simon
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Old April 7th, 2007, 01:32 AM   #4
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It seemed to drag on forever. It took a whole 2 minutes to get out of bed, do a line of coke and put the drugs in the bag and puff on a cig. That whole scene should of been over in about 30 seconds tops. I quit watching after that.

Last edited by Adam Bray; April 7th, 2007 at 02:23 AM.
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Old April 7th, 2007, 02:14 AM   #5
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Simon,

I watched both parts. Good for you for wanting to be a filmmaker. I don't want to get all preachy but seeing as how I'm old enough to be your father...

A film is a story, we as filmmakers are story-tellers and in those stories are messages. People will sit through a poorly shot film to watch a good story. A story about a drug dealer ripping off another just so you can show off guns and drugs is not a good story. If the dude in scene 1 is your central character (protagonist), we need to know that. The audience has to relate somehow to the character. Read some books on script-writing.

If you're going to go to the trouble to make a film and want to be taken seriously by anybody other than your classmates, start with a good story. You can always work the guns and the drugs in later.

If you want to see a good story with guns and drugs, rent Scarface.

Keep at it.
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Old April 7th, 2007, 07:50 AM   #6
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Alright, Thank you all for the advice!

That beginning does drag out pretty long lol

Any suggestions for a script writing book?
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Old April 7th, 2007, 11:42 AM   #7
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Why do 16/17 year olds have that kind of arsenal if the drugs were in fact fake? That doesn't quite make sense to me, also kind of makes me want to pull my arsenal out of storage! LOL

Anyway, a couple of pretty good books that I would suggest are "The Heros Journey" and "The Screenwriters Bible". The Heros Journey will give you insight as to what has made story telling succesful in the past and is kind of hard to get through but is definetly helpfull, and The Screenwriters Bible will show you how to properly lay out a script, for Hollywood at least.
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Old April 7th, 2007, 03:24 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon Jones View Post
Alright, Thank you all for the advice!

That beginning does drag out pretty long lol

Any suggestions for a script writing book?

I actually took a 3-month course in scriptwriting around the time you were born. It was great because we would study concepts, (plot points, character development etc.) then watch movies and break down the scripts.

Anything by Syd Field is good. His book 'Screenplay' is an oldie but still very relevant. It's important to know the formula and the rules before you try to break them. And even then, the formulas work well, so it's just a matter of developing your own story and it's characters, and fitting them into the formulas.
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Old April 7th, 2007, 07:44 PM   #9
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[QUOTE=Ryan Mueller;655759]Why do 16/17 year olds have that kind of arsenal if the drugs were in fact fake? That doesn't quite make sense to me, also kind of makes me want to pull my arsenal out of storage! LOL
[QUOTE]

Pff Thats nothing so far... The AK-74's and the M4 sopmod hasnt been intorduced into the film yet! haha... The guns are all airsoft replicas, I wouldnt be messing around with real guns lol...

I took a look for some scriptwriting books, and I'm going to run down to the bookstore to see what they have... Unfortunatly the class I took on filmmaking at school only went through the basics and techniques, we didnt get much into story/script writing...Whatever, thats what college is for :D

Anyways, thank you all for the information, I cant wait to get the ball rolling on all of this...

Simon
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