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The TOTEM Poll: Totally Off Topic, Everything Media
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Old July 10th, 2009, 04:30 PM   #16
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How many directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
101 - One to do the job and 100 others to say they could have done it better.


How can you tell the Teamster's children at a playground?
They're the ones watching all the other kids have fun.



What do you call an out of work director?
A writer.

What do you call an out of work actor?
A producer.

What do you call an actor whose girlfriend just broke up with him?
Homeless.
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Old February 20th, 2012, 02:12 PM   #17
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Re: Crew Jokes

What does a DP's wife do after having sex...

pick him up from the airport!
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Old February 20th, 2012, 04:35 PM   #18
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Re: Crew Jokes

Director to soundie: What are you going to do about that traffic noise 10 floors below.

Soundie: Well, I'm going to hang a mic out the window and fade it out.

(True story)
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Old February 29th, 2012, 05:50 AM   #19
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Re: Crew Jokes

How many control room directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two... standby one... now one... get ready two and.... THREE!!! THREE!!!
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Old March 2nd, 2012, 08:19 AM   #20
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Re: Crew Jokes

Q: How tall is the audio tech?
A: Dunno. No one has ever seen him standing up.
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Old April 22nd, 2012, 02:27 AM   #21
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Re: Crew Jokes

One time the 6 member cast assembled in the control room and were handed their scripts. After a quick look though,
I told them .. 'Ok into the studio and let's get under way'

This very attractive actress with the silky voice says to me .. 'we can't start yet Ann's not here'

We all looked at her somewhat stunned, Ann. was the Announcer. Lovely girl but thick. True story.

Cheers.
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Old April 4th, 2015, 06:51 PM   #22
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Re: Crew Jokes

How much am I getting paid again?

What do you call 2 left turns and ending home?
Baseball.
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Old April 10th, 2015, 09:31 AM   #23
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Re: Crew Jokes

Technical Director: Quick, somebody call me an engineer!
Crew: Ok, You're an engineer!

A sound guy I know told me he felt the least experienced person on an indie film set is usually the director.

Three Stooges - Hey look, we got a telegram.
Oh yeah, what's it say?
Do dot, dash dot
Gimmie that, you imbecile.
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Old April 17th, 2015, 07:24 AM   #24
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Re: Crew Jokes

Q: Why was the editor wearing roller skates at his desk?

A: He was performing a rolling edit.
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Old March 14th, 2016, 06:04 AM   #25
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Re: Crew Jokes

Not quite a crew joke, but ...

Q: What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

A: HDMI?

Andrew
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