National TV Spot Constructive Criticism

[Brock Burwell]

I am currently working on a national TV spot for my university to be played during our athletic games this upcoming school year. They will likely also use this when they need a quick commercial to be used on pages on the website or any digital marketing that they plan to use.

While it's not finished (I still need to fix sound effects, add in the final voice over artist and license the music), the commercial has been completely shot and wrapped filming. I could go back in and shoot more scenes if it feels necessary.

Knowing all of that, I would love some feedback on what you think about it.

- What works?
- What doesn't work?
- Does the story of this video make sense?

Anything you can provide would be helpful! I don't make these types of videos often and it's the first proper TV commercial that I have ever made that I actually went out and shot every single frame for the intent of it being a TV spot.

Thanks for any feedback you are willing to provide.

This is Marshall - YouTube

[Doug Jensen]

It looks great, and I really like the editing, but . . . it tells me absolutely nothing about the school itself. It could have been about any girl at any school. For that reason, I would say it fails as a promotional piece. Ultimately, commercials, infomercials, promotional videos, training videos, etc., have to be judged by whether they accomplish the purpose they were created for. I’m not completely sure what the intended purpose of this commercial was, but I assume it was to attract potential students and encourage them to consider attending the school. If that’s the goal, do you honestly think it achieves it? Or am I misunderstanding the intended purpose?

In other words, a video that wins awards or garners praise from viewers isn't enough. It must accomplish something for the organization that commissioned it's production, or it is a failure.

Just my two cents. It looks great.

[Allan Black]

Hi Brock, I agree with Doug, your footage looks great. Now find out what the other Uni’s are doing, then imagine your 30sec tv spot appearing in a group of 4 loud retail tv commercials in prime time, so I think you need a good positive male voice over to keep up in all those cases.

I looked Marshall Uni up, it’s co-ed so you need more male students, maybe in small groups of both together. At the finish have a male and female student smiling to each other then at the camera.

Years ago I worked on tv spots and made some for Newcastle hospital. I was told many young teenage nurses were looking for a doctor as a potential husband and even though they’re all still students, at Marshall with the older girls I think the same is probably similar with the handsome guys who have rich parents.

19year old girls, phew! At Ncle hospital some were watching my crew.

Cheers.

[Brock Burwell]

Thanks for the feedback gentlemen. I was afraid of this when I started the project with this idea. I was hoping shooting it in this style would help potential students feel more like they could seem themselves there, but I see what you are saying.

Do you think there is a way to salvage it or you think because the way it's shot...it just is what it is? Would updating the script change how it feels or is it beyond that? Here is the 60 second version of the video - does seeing this help with how I could fix it?

This is Marshall :60 - YouTube

[Doug Jensen]

I can't think of a way to to make it better at this point, but it's not awful. I'd say go with it for now and maybe think of a different approach for next time.

[Allan Black]

The v/o script, tone and music is spot on for the Gen Z. Also known as "digital natives," they are the first generation to grow up with the internet and social media as an integral part of their daily lives.

But Marshall is a co-educational University, I’d be amazed if Marshall doesn’t comment or complain there’s no males in the commercials, just gregarious Gen Z females …

[Brock Burwell]

Not sure if you mean I should have picked a male to be the person to focus on during the video or if you literally mean there are no males in the video - which isn't accurate. While it's mostly female because she's the center of every shot, there's a male in the car with her, at that basketball game with her, sitting at the lunch table with her, in class with her, walking beside her in the opening shot, on stage with her and at the gym with her.

That said, needing to explain where the males are in the video doesn't help my case any. The original idea was to take one student (it ended up being this female because she was available for all of these shots and a theatre major).

The initial idea was to add a bit more emotion to it similar to some of the more famous Starbucks commercials, but it didn't really feel right. I shot the entire thing with that idea in mind and didn't change it until late in the process.

I've had it in this state for about a month now and while I think it looks good, I do feel like it need some adjusting in some way - perhaps the script needs fixing a bit to make it have more of a call to action? I'm not sure and I feel disappointed about it

[Allan Black]

Hi Brock, on our forum here we don’t want to discourage you in any way, but you’re dealing with a prominent CO-ED university, so here in Sydney a couple of us old pros, think you definitely need to show close to 50% male and 50% female students equally in your video - in both your tv spots - with emphasis on the on campus fun - for both genders. If that means a re-shoot so be it.

Before you started did you check out what your competition is doing? I don’t want to post this here, but on YouTube, currently there’s a nice 2005 Marshall University promo video, that cleverly shows the positive 50/50% student visuals, groups of both male and females together having fun.

And a good feature, it has the v/o as subtitles running on the bottom of the screen that always attracts viewers attention.
It’s a 3.30 sec. promo which I’d say hasn’t been seen on tv, so you might use that feature too.

But if you’re doing this for free and they accept them as is, go ahead I guess. But if you’re planning to show them to prospective clients to get more work locally, you’re bound to get someone asking “But isn’t Marshall University co-ed?”

Cheers.