New Short Film I Made! Please Watch!
 

a video my friends acted in when i did the 'director/editor' thing. We had a contest and it was a rush-job. start to finish in 3 days. tell me what you think!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGRfKSf5fAI

very controversial

Nice shooting and nice graphics. I think the distraction for me was the female voice narating what was obviously being told by a male. Created a disconnect for me....

Very good! I like it. But like Chris said, the female voice was confusing.

~Gabriel~

I agree...it definitely needed a male voice narrative.

New Short Film I Made! Please Watch!
 

Even though the voice is kinda out of place in the beginning, but it really makes the final plot point worthwhile at the end...

Regards
Van Zijl

It's good, i hate to be part of the majority, but I too felt the voice was off, to me it sold from the begining that he was not around to tell his story.. While I understood the end, I think it felt a bit rushed and could have had a bigger punch.. very good work though...

If you have time to change it have the guys voice at the beginning then transition to the girls voice when shes talking.....should give for a better effect i think.....plus if you have time to make that change it shouldnt be too hard becuase its just a voice over.

Female voice worked for me. Just kept up feeling that theres coming turn before the end. I liked that and overall everthing else as well.

Very great
 

Your camera work and editing I thought were fantastic. Great subject matter and well handled. I did have trouble with the female narrator though. Her voice and reading were well done, but superimposed over a male main character made me "notice" the narration too much. There would have to be a reason for such a choice. Like, I kept expecting her to be reading his diary over his grave in the end or something.

All in all, great.

matt

thanks for all the comments!
 

Thanks everyone! You guys are really helping me out because I'm the scriptwriter/storyboard as well as director. I wanted the audience to wonder and question why the voice was a girl's. But I guess it creates a complex element. I have to work on organizing scenes and creating an understanding plot. Thanks again everybody!

I thought there was some good editing in there. It looks like you edit on a Mac using FCP Studio. I do as well. I must admit, like everyone else, the female voice had me confused as well.
What was the inspiration for this short, may I ask?

Why the heck is there a female narrating a male POV? I did not bother watching much past the credits. I found that too annoying.

.... ouch .....

Was not trying to be rude. But it created a total disconnect.

It's nothing :D . We're still all fellow filmmakers and dv enthusiasts here!

Thanks for watching though.

Well done fella.
I'll watch it again and see if I can offer any constructive critiscism.
First viewing impressed though.
Do you have links to a larger file?

I thought the film was very well done. The female voice bothered me at first, and was kind of distracting--the first thing that came to my mind was that you had to do this for school and was lazy about the voiceover. Then in the end, it turned out to work very well. So, in this instance, the distraction worked very well.

There was one shot I didn't really like. The one where he actually holds the knife up to his wrist. I think it's unneeded and is basically throwing it in the audiences face. I don't know, other than that, it's very well done.

Matt

There was nothing even close to that kind of blatant descrimination at my highschool (people hung out with people that were in the same after-school activities), but then again we never had the "cool" kids who dissed everyone else either, like every movie portrays. Overall good shooting, well edited. Only thing I would attempt to improve on in future projects would be audio during the interactions with other kids, it sounds a little muddy. I was confused like the rest of the guys about the voice at first, but made sense in the end.

The female voice did not bother me a bit.

The ending threw me off. I did not clearly hear what she said. There is a lot of room reflection in the sound. Since her face is not shown during the line, you could re-record her voice. Also, why is her name on the cell phone? Why is her face barely shown? I guess I liked everything but the very last scene. It seemed unclear and rushed.

Move to Hawaii. Probably a third of the people here are part filipino. Unfortunately, rent is getting outrageous.