How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

So, she's sitting in the make-up chair, and you're lined up for a nice shot, but she's too stressed to smile, and even if you say, 'Hey Jane, could you smile?", or you get is a weak, fake-looking smile that lasts for about a second.

What do you do?

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Don't tell her to smile :) Like you said you can get a forced looking one. I have had an asian bride a few years back telling me how happy she was that I had so many smiling people in my film, this is often a bit of luck, I try to let the camera rolling long enough hoping I get a smile because it just looks much nicer, but if I get to deal with a bunch of boring grumpy people, so be it, I can only try but I won't ask them to smile as I would like to have as natural as possible behaviour and not a fake posed one like on a photo.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Thanks what great about doing video ..we don't need to try and get smiley posed shots like we do if we are getting photos ... I chat to the bride, make her feel at ease and film what comes naturally. Let the ohotog struggle with the smiles and just film the prep as it happens. Even so, if you are nice and chatty and don't put any pressure on her it will all fall into place. I think you did say some time back, Adrian, that you are not comfortable interacting with guests and the bridal party so maybe just be yourself and let things just flow and you should get some nice shots anyway.

I often see this in videos of the prep where there are more shots of shoes, dress, jewellery and makeup bottles than people and that usually indicates that the videographer is a photographer who decided to do video as well so I guess old habits die hard .. I have never asked a bride to pose or smile otherwise the shot ends up looking like a still.

Chris

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

IF I have a connection with the bride (or groom) that makes it appropriate....

Get them to say, out loud, "I'm excited."

That's all it takes. Turns out, we can trick our own brains into turning that nervous anxiety into positive excitement. Here' the science: http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/rel...e-a0035325.pdf

There is also priming. I do that reasonably often to set the bride or groom into the right mind set. Ask leading questions to get them thinking about what you want them thinking about. For instance, we'll have a groom standing there, waiting for the bride and the 1st look, and his head is with us. He's thinking about the camera in his face. So I'l start asking him questions, 'Are you excited?" or mention 'You're about to see your wife" and try and get his head there. Help get a great bit of footage....

And if you ever go to buy a used car, don't take the hot drink they offer you. That is also priming. Turns out, just holding a hot drink (tea or coffee) makes you more maleable. And, yes, holding a cold drink will make you less agreeable. Feel free to use that info at your next client sales meeting.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

ask her if her left eye has always been just slightly higher than her right :)

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Last week I did one with a bridezilla who just wouldn't show a happy face to the photog the entire day. She warned him about her double chin and best side of her face several times during the prep. She was big like 300lbs+.She was getting dressed up in the hotel room instead of her house and man, that small hotel room was messy. I mean the beds were undone and all clothes, shoes, flowers, were on the floor along with 6 bridesmaids, 2 flower girls, both her parents, grandma and her uncle. There was absolutely no room to move. The photog suggested they all move to the hotel lobby for some photos. He started with the bride alone next to the garden area, where he would show the bride the first shot with "how;s this one, do you like it like this"? She would say " No, no, absolutely not, take that one out now, and I mean NOW, do another" after which point the photographer told her that there is no way that double chin would not be visible. I mean she was unstoppable, insulting the poor photog shot after shot. Her mother tried to calm her down and calm the situation to no avail. All day the bride had that depressed look on her face which showed. Once it starts off bad, it is difficult to correct. The photog said to me that he wanted to just leave an refund her the money and be done with it. I felt the same way even her not seeing a vid clip. Thank God she didn't ask. I told him to never show off the pics taken to anyone, especially the bride. He could just say that his camera is a special model splatzflex that has no display feature. Sure, the bride would eventually see them and blow up later but she would not steam off at her big day. I never, as both a photographer and videographer show anyone what I got in the cam.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Keep rolling.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

I can't remember where I heard it but....

What's the difference between a professional photographer and an amateur?

The professional doesn't show all their pictures.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

I'm with Bruce on this, it's not my job really, we do what we can to make things easier but if it's a bridezilla/diva, well she'll just have to live with it (and probably her hubby too!)
I leave that sort of thing to my partner she's much better at the emotional stuff than me and does seem to have a better connection with all the females present, suits me fine.

I always let them know, during the consultation phase that I do documentary style, which i explain is recording the day as it unfolds. if they're grumpy or whatever - there's not a huge amount I or for that matter a photographer can do about it.

so yea generally I'd keep rolling.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

That's a new trend these days, photogs running up and down to the couple showing what they just made a picture off, why?? Imagine me shooting a bit and doing the same? It's as if some are insecure and want to get direct feedback to see if they are on the right track.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Thru out my time as both a still photog and a vid guy I've had my fair share of brides who appeared, mmmm shall we say, grumpy. Now as a still guy back in the 70s and early 80s of course I was shooting film so there was no way to show anyone the shot until the film was developed etc although many people said to me that they wished they could see the picture before the proofs were done and once I went to video, I never saw a reason and in the beginning I never had the capability to show anyone what was on the tape until it was finished.
I DID however develop a line that I used perhaps a dozen times over all the years and it was very simple although I won't suggest it to everyone and it went like this.

"Hey (insert brides name here), are you feeling happy today?" 100% of the time her answer would be "Yes". I would then say with the biggest smile I could muster on MY face, "Great, would you mind telling your face!"

In almost every case they would glare at me for a moment then start to smile and laugh realizing that they hadn't been smiling and that they wouldn't like the way they looked in either the still photos or video.

In the occasional case where it didn't work, well OK they were unhappy and it showed and are now probably just as unhappy as they were then but I tried and while I was there to document the day I knew they wouldn't be happy with the product if I couldn't coax a smile or 2.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Dead puppies!

Trust me, say that and watch the smiles.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

One thing I sometimes do is enlist a bridesmaid. "Could you make the bride laugh, please?" It only works for a few seconds, but anyway...

On one occasion, the bridesmaid's attempt was

BRIDESMAID (to bride): The pageboy farted.
BRIDE (confused): What?!
BRIDESMAID: I don't know. The videographer asked me to make you laugh.

Bride glances over at me, hiding behind furniture with my lens pointed at her, and laughs.

BRIDE (to bridesmaid, laughing): That joke was fail.
ME: Yeah, but even though it failed, it still worked.

More laughter.

I can never get beyond random one-off one-liners like this, though. The better photographers seem more like Chris, constantly talking, constantly telling jokes.

Most stressed bride I've had was shouting, shouting on the phone to the venue, because someone had told her the crew's table was missing a flower arrangement. In that situation, I didn't work up the courage to try anything. Just stayed out of the way. She did calm down considerably after the ceremony though.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

We start shooting at the beginning of the bride's prep and pretty much fade into the background, we become invisible. One shooter with a DSLR on a Manfrotto 561 monopod. From there, whatever happens, happens. Our videography is candid and captures things as they are. We don't try to make the bride laugh or calm down or do anything contrived. Many couples seek us out because our wedding films aren't posed.

Hope this helps!

John

Summerfield Films
Summerfield Films | Toronto Wedding Videography

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

I must admit I'm chatty but I still shoot what's happening during the day and never ever pose shots..EVER!
I might position mum so I can get a clear shot of her putting on her daughter's bracelet but normally I just position myself and record the prep as it unfolds which, to me, is the way it should be shot. You are telling a story here are you not so saying "smile" to the bride just isn't film making ..it's photography!

I think the posing thing is an old habit from photogs that have turned to video rather than genuine film makers who do weddings. You can spot a photogs video very quickly when you see multiple slider shots or shots of the dress, the shoes, the jewellery, the bottles of perfume and make up which is exactly what a photog would shoot and a film maker would not shoot. They usually also have precious little live audio and usually rely on a music track. I always get mystified when I see a prep video like this ... why not just shoot stills and pan over the still image .. better resolution from a 24mp still image even if you zoom up on it.

It seems that photogs who have switched to video rather apply photography rules rather than film making rules hence the different approach ... I guess if the bride loves it then pose all your shots but I really do prefer to tell a story with live audio and images that actually move rather than moving over static objects and setting it to music ... each to their own

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

For those who promote a hands-off approach...

We do too, though it has its limits. If a bride is put off by your presence, then that's an issue, and you're not really capturing the day as is - the simple act of observing something, changes it. Trust helps a lot - having the bride/groom get to know you a bit before the day of.

The other side of it is, as an experienced professional, one of my goals is to help them. Normally, they don't need it, but I really don't think there is anything wrong with nudging them in a better direction when they look nervous, stressed or even angry, but don't mean to.

That's why I use our example of a groom waiting for the bride before a first look. Too often, he's still thinking about what he's supposed to be doing, what with the photog and video guy right there. I'll ask a single question, or say one thing, and try to get him thinking about what is about to happen - about his wife-to-be, instead.

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Say "Pretend I just said something funny!". Usually works:)

TBH tho, be careful, it's possible the bride is not in a very good mood, and trying too hard to make her happy/smile will only annoy her. I just let it go, and stay out of it. I had a bride earlier this year who was similar, almost in a bad mood, and the photog & I just didn't seem to click with her. You can document the day, and capture footage, but you really aren't there to change/shape peoples moods. It's a pretty hard task in general. Sometimes asking "Are you excited?" can disarm them, and it's an optimistic question rather than "Are you nervous?" or "Are you ready?"

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

David, that's why I think it matters if you've gotten a rapport it the bride before hand or not. Not all want to meet with us, and for them, I keep my distance. Others with whom we've met, I've got something to work with... a nice sense of their real normal, and some boundaries.

Sometimes their requests matter, too. One gal wanted family interviews and even some posed glamour clips (like a portrait). She would turn to the camera, reality show style, and tell a story or make a joke. For her, no problem with a little chat. The gal the next week.... how about no. We kept our distance. Could not have been more stand-offish. She was painfully uncomfortable in front of the camera, and the guests (which is obvious all through the ceremony), and immediately loosened after the ceremony. Since she had kept us at arm's length before the day, we respected that during the day. (even now, she doesn't want her highlights online).

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Chris, I can't quite grasp why you would split things into false smiles for photographers and grumpy reality for videographers.

Its hard for us blokes to appreciate just what a big event this is for the bride. Its no wonder that her nerves and apprehension, her concentration on ensuring everything goes according to plan etc translate into furrowed brows and unflattering facial expressions whilst her thoughts are in several places at once.

If she were able to review her own appearance in real time on a monitor or laptop she'd soon see that she'd rather look somewhat different, more like she's on top of the world without a care.

An occasional gentle prompt in the right direction is doing her a favour, it is not an old-fashioned cheesy wedding video in the making. So long as its done right.

What one does say is very much down to personalities. Whats right for one shooter is very awkward spoken by another. I use lines such as .... ooooh you're looking very serious, and ..... could you have a little smile to yourself. I don't tell jokes, that would not work for me.

I suggest that if you were shooting a commercial video for a small business and the talent was sporting a pre-occupied facial expression you wouldn't hesitate to get that changed.

Pete

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

Hi Pete

I chat to my bride and the bridesmaids all the time (probably too much) but I really do try and shoot footage that is as natural as possible that depicts the day. My point wasn't making her smile/happy or whatever but was questioning the fact that she was asked to pose and smile which is perfectly normal for photography but for me seems so false in footage. When a poor bride has a thousand things to deal with the last thing she needs is being put on the spot and told to smile ...I just feel that posed video can be avoided .. the poor girl already has to pose and smile for the photog and then it probably just gets too much when the video guy also needs a smile.

Hopefully when you are shooting the stills you don't get false smiles but real natural ones.

Chris

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

-1 for Darren Levine

Re: How do you calm down stressed brides?
 

So true.
When I was in graphic design I learned rather quickly to never show clients more than one alternative even if you have more than one. Always show the one you like best and only if they really don't like that you show/make an alternative version.
And these days especially it's true with photos. Any trained monkey with a decent camera can get a good shot if he takes hundreds. Knowing which ones are the good ones is where the skill is these days. And then hiding the ones that are not so good ;)