Hendricks-The Pilgrimage-UWOL Long Form

Bryce Comer · May 23rd, 2009, 12:04 PM

Wow Jeff,
What a production! You have put a heck of a lot of thought into this, & it shows in this latest submission. I love the way you have set things up in this first part & can't wait to see more. Your shots are fantastic, the script is intriguing, & although it looks like you still have lots to do to put this all together, you look well on the way to making an incredibly professional piece. Do you have plans on marketing this? The way it's shaping up, i'm sure you could!
As i have said, i can't wait to see more!!!
Regards,
Bryce

Steve Siegel · May 24th, 2009, 02:58 PM

Jeff,
This looks like it will be an intriguing piece. Knowing your story-telling skills, I think you will have no trouble holding the audience (even though your "Crysanthemum" may be a little too much like "Citizen Kane's "Rosebud"). The visuals are spectacular, but I would like to see your colors more vivid. Everything looks dusty. Using water as a vehicle to tie it all together is good, but because of it people will expect you to surpass your earlier entry "Touching Generations", which was a total masterpiece, the best thing I can remember from UWOL.
I'm sure you can do it.

Per Johan Naesje · May 28th, 2009, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Hendricks

Comments I am looking for are

1. Whether or not the first few minutes will hold and entice the interest of an audience
2. If the pace is too slow...or fast
3. If the visuals make sense and tell a story
4. If this is a film you would sit down and watch
5. Whether the idea/story/themes are clear, muddy, or nonexistent.
6. Any comments, critiques or helpful information that will improve my filmmaking ability so that I can make the best possible film.

Thanks
Jeff

Jeff, first of all excuse me that I've not commented your second part before now!

But I finally got time to do it and wow, you got some kind of a story here!
I'm a believer in your story. As a foreigner I'm not so familiar with the story of John Muir, but you hold my interest through your six minute story. I will definitive sit down and watch your finished story!
Your way of building up the story is very well executed. I like your visuals very much. Did you use any kind of jib/crane in your shots at the waterfall.
The narrating was very well done and easy to follow.

A minor comment to your edit: I could have liked that you faded out the ambient sound between clips instead of cutting it off as you did in this rough cut.

Looking very much forward to your next part!

Marj Atkins · May 29th, 2009, 08:25 AM

I am watching the progress of this video in awe. You are obviously in full control of the entire process - from organizing crew and actors and equipment to filming - and it is developing beautifully. I thought I had taken on a lot but you have an enormous task here. Your footage is stunning to watch.

Catherine Russell · June 1st, 2009, 12:48 PM

Jeff:

This has all the earmarks of a masterpiece in the making. You were wanting feedback as to whether the beginning holds interest. It is captivating. Your camera-work is masterful and your choice of music has filled it out nicely. It almost makes you feel like you are standing on a cliff in the grip of deciding whether you are going to jump off or not. I don't know why that comes to mind, but the video, narration... the entire experience is completely absorbing with the only important thing to do is watch to the end to understand the story of the pilgrimage, these two individuals and how it all weaves together.

Stunning! And you haven't really started yet!

Cat

Geir Inge · July 23rd, 2009, 07:55 AM

Hi Jeff.
I think you are a true storyteller.
I'm from the old school and like a good story, told with words and pictures.
I think this will be a great film.
One of the thoughest thing in commenting other films, is that this it is just a part of a longer film. AND that I have to figure out how and what to wright in english :/ not so easy for a norwegian.

All the best.
Geir Inge

Marj Atkins · August 19th, 2009, 12:57 AM

Hi Jeff - just as I said to Bryce - hope this is only down and not out. We have all been watching with intrigue and looking forward to your masterpiece in the making. We are missing you this round!

Marj

Meryem Ersoz · August 24th, 2009, 11:22 PM

Jeff has already stated his intention to continue work on his project outside of the contest, it has evolved into something grand enough that it will take longer than a year...

Jeff, feel free to use your thread for feedback, as things get accomplished, or to accost individual players. We're all pulling for the completion of this and plan to come to your house for popcorn and a command screening when it is all done...

May 23rd, 2009, 12:04 PM	#16
Bryce Comer Trustee Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Rossland, British Columbia Posts: 1,024	Wow Jeff, What a production! You have put a heck of a lot of thought into this, & it shows in this latest submission. I love the way you have set things up in this first part & can't wait to see more. Your shots are fantastic, the script is intriguing, & although it looks like you still have lots to do to put this all together, you look well on the way to making an incredibly professional piece. Do you have plans on marketing this? The way it's shaping up, i'm sure you could! As i have said, i can't wait to see more!!! Regards, Bryce __________________ There's never enough hours in the day!

July 23rd, 2009, 07:55 AM	#21
Geir Inge Trustee Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Larsnes, Norway Posts: 1,342	Hi Jeff. I think you are a true storyteller. I'm from the old school and like a good story, told with words and pictures. I think this will be a great film. One of the thoughest thing in commenting other films, is that this it is just a part of a longer film. AND that I have to figure out how and what to wright in english :/ not so easy for a norwegian. All the best. Geir Inge __________________ Geir Inge B. Brekke Visit me at: https://vimeo.com/gibbfilm

May 24th, 2009, 02:58 PM	#17
Steve Siegel Major Player Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA Posts: 839	Jeff, This looks like it will be an intriguing piece. Knowing your story-telling skills, I think you will have no trouble holding the audience (even though your "Crysanthemum" may be a little too much like "Citizen Kane's "Rosebud"). The visuals are spectacular, but I would like to see your colors more vivid. Everything looks dusty. Using water as a vehicle to tie it all together is good, but because of it people will expect you to surpass your earlier entry "Touching Generations", which was a total masterpiece, the best thing I can remember from UWOL. I'm sure you can do it.

May 29th, 2009, 08:25 AM	#19
Marj Atkins Major Player Join Date: May 2007 Location: Johannesburg South Africa Posts: 768	I am watching the progress of this video in awe. You are obviously in full control of the entire process - from organizing crew and actors and equipment to filming - and it is developing beautifully. I thought I had taken on a lot but you have an enormous task here. Your footage is stunning to watch.

June 1st, 2009, 12:48 PM	#20
Catherine Russell Trustee Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Lyons, Colorado Posts: 1,224	Jeff: This has all the earmarks of a masterpiece in the making. You were wanting feedback as to whether the beginning holds interest. It is captivating. Your camera-work is masterful and your choice of music has filled it out nicely. It almost makes you feel like you are standing on a cliff in the grip of deciding whether you are going to jump off or not. I don't know why that comes to mind, but the video, narration... the entire experience is completely absorbing with the only important thing to do is watch to the end to understand the story of the pilgrimage, these two individuals and how it all weaves together. Stunning! And you haven't really started yet! Cat

August 19th, 2009, 12:57 AM	#22
Marj Atkins Major Player Join Date: May 2007 Location: Johannesburg South Africa Posts: 768	Hi Jeff - just as I said to Bryce - hope this is only down and not out. We have all been watching with intrigue and looking forward to your masterpiece in the making. We are missing you this round! Marj

August 24th, 2009, 11:22 PM	#23
Meryem Ersoz Wrangler Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 3,015	Jeff has already stated his intention to continue work on his project outside of the contest, it has evolved into something grand enough that it will take longer than a year... Jeff, feel free to use your thread for feedback, as things get accomplished, or to accost individual players. We're all pulling for the completion of this and plan to come to your house for popcorn and a command screening when it is all done...