Most hilarious and honest 1st paragraph of a user's manual ever...LOL at DVinfo.net

Les Wilson · October 27th, 2010, 06:05 PM

Read 1st paragraph in the user manual for this device. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself at SM 26S Splitter Mixer

This is the opening paragraph in the Rane SM26 Mixer/Splitter Quick Start user manual:

Quick Start
Realizing that in most areas there are laws against reading owners manuals, and that reading them under the blankets at night with a flashlight makes you feel stupid, we therefore provide this brief, yet legal description of how to use the SM 26S just in case your batteries are low and your mother is about to come in the room.

Don Bloom · October 27th, 2010, 06:21 PM

It is truely refreshing to read something that is 100% absolute truth and humorous at the same time. I wish all manuals were as truthful.

Don Xaliman · October 27th, 2010, 07:10 PM

Do you think it would still be funny if you translated it into German or Mandarin? :)

Robert Turchick · October 27th, 2010, 07:49 PM

The best manual of all time is for the Eventide Omnipressor. There are cartoons throughout the very casual written instructions that give a visual of the function. Let's just say even if I did have the manual to scan, I wouldnt be allowed to post the pictures in an open forum that kids might stumble across!

Robin Lambert · October 29th, 2010, 01:53 AM

I once fell off my chair when I opened the instruction book for a CD recorder and the first sentence was.

"You are reading this manual because you have plugged the unit in, switched it on, and it doesn't appear to work..."

Of course, they were right.

Andrew Smith · October 29th, 2010, 05:58 AM

What's encouraging is that it made it past the politically correct self-censorship that a lot of companies engage in. Truly refreshing.

Andrew

Jonathan Jones · October 29th, 2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Xaliman

Do you think it would still be funny if you translated it into German or Mandarin? :)

I suspect it might translate into something akin to:

"Read this quickly, in the dark, in front of your mother."

Which is at least as funny, if not more so.

-Jon

Les Wilson · October 29th, 2010, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Xaliman

Do you think it would still be funny if you translated it into German or Mandarin? :)

Yes it would. The cultural aspects of the humor translate as the absurdity of reading manuals being illegal and authoritative role of Mothers getting children to sleep at night are cross cultural. Even if it didn't who cares? It's not important information.

What's bad are companies that outsource product development to China and cheap out on the translation of the technical information which IS important. That's actually the opposite effect: Not funny in Mandarin, hilarious in English.

Here's 3 examples from the Analog Way Centrix video switcher:

"Create the text to display thanks to a drawing software like PowerPoint"
"Display on the MAIN output the source to titling."
"This function allows storing 8 logos in order to incrust them into the image"

Brian P. Reynolds · October 29th, 2010, 05:49 PM

It may not be the first paragraph... Its the last. But I always need to smile with the "Pelican Case" lifetime guarantee. [ The last line does it for me !!!]

Pelican Products, Inc. guarantees its products for a lifetime against breakage or defects in workmanship. Pelican™ injection molded cases are guaranteed to be watertight to a depth of 3.3 feet (1 meter) for 30 minutes (IP 67) unless otherwise stated if properly closed with undamaged o-ring in place. Pelican’s liability is limited to the case and not its contents or foam. This guarantee does not cover the lamp or batteries (rechargeable or alkaline) for lights. Any liability, either expressed or implied, is limited to replacement of the product. This guarantee is void if the Pelican product has been abused beyond normal and sensible wear and tear. This guarantee does not cover shark bite, bear attack or damage caused by children under five.

Andrew Smith · October 29th, 2010, 06:02 PM

Wouldn't it be so cool if this became an unspoken competition between all the audio/video gear manufacturers? Even if someone doesn't want to buy your product, they would still want to read the manual!

Andrew

Robin Lambert · October 30th, 2010, 02:33 AM

My nomination goes to the "Spy Pen", £30 from Amazon.

"Starting photograph in the closed down condition indicating lamp all extinguished press the button short, is first yellow bright period of time to the blue lamp bright namely starting. Attention: If the pattern switch already allocated move set clock for the video recording pattern then enters the video recording pattern to start directly."

Simples...

Olakunle Olanrewaju · November 6th, 2010, 03:14 AM

I think this thread is getting totally hijacked from hilarious manual to pelican form.Can somebody give us more hilarious manual. I need manual jokes...lol

MODERATOR NOTE: Agree. All the posts about Pelican case foam have been moved to their own thread: http://www.dvinfo.net/forum/open-dv-...am-gripes.html

Panagiotis Raris · January 20th, 2011, 11:14 AM

i had bought a cheap lighter at a bazaar a while back that had one simple warning; do not ignite

October 27th, 2010, 06:05 PM	#1
Les Wilson Inner Circle Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Boca Raton, FL Posts: 3,014	Most hilarious and honest 1st paragraph of a user's manual ever...LOL Read 1st paragraph in the user manual for this device. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself at SM 26S Splitter Mixer This is the opening paragraph in the Rane SM26 Mixer/Splitter Quick Start user manual: Quick Start Realizing that in most areas there are laws against reading owners manuals, and that reading them under the blankets at night with a flashlight makes you feel stupid, we therefore provide this brief, yet legal description of how to use the SM 26S just in case your batteries are low and your mother is about to come in the room.

October 27th, 2010, 06:21 PM	#2
Don Bloom Inner Circle Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 6,609	It is truely refreshing to read something that is 100% absolute truth and humorous at the same time. I wish all manuals were as truthful. __________________ What do I know? I'm just a video-O-grafer. Don

October 27th, 2010, 07:49 PM	#4
Robert Turchick Trustee Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Mesa, AZ Posts: 1,389	The best manual of all time is for the Eventide Omnipressor. There are cartoons throughout the very casual written instructions that give a visual of the function. Let's just say even if I did have the manual to scan, I wouldnt be allowed to post the pictures in an open forum that kids might stumble across! __________________ The older I get, the better I was!

November 6th, 2010, 03:14 AM	#12
Olakunle Olanrewaju Regular Crew Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Ibadan, Nigeria Posts: 103	I think this thread is getting totally hijacked from hilarious manual to pelican form.Can somebody give us more hilarious manual. I need manual jokes...lol MODERATOR NOTE: Agree. All the posts about Pelican case foam have been moved to their own thread: http://www.dvinfo.net/forum/open-dv-...am-gripes.html __________________ SONY EX1R,QUADRO FX3800,CANON T2I & 400D/18-55,18-135,70-300,50MM 1.4 SENN MKH-416 MIC,TOK 11-16,PANASONIC MD10000 & HDC-MDH1 Cam,NEXTO 2725,EZFX JIB,Sony HDR-XR160E,

October 27th, 2010, 07:10 PM	#3
Don Xaliman Regular Crew Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 96	Do you think it would still be funny if you translated it into German or Mandarin? :)

October 29th, 2010, 01:53 AM	#5
Robin Lambert Regular Crew Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: London Posts: 70	I once fell off my chair when I opened the instruction book for a CD recorder and the first sentence was. "You are reading this manual because you have plugged the unit in, switched it on, and it doesn't appear to work..." Of course, they were right.

October 29th, 2010, 05:58 AM	#6
Andrew Smith Equal Opportunity Offender Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,015	What's encouraging is that it made it past the politically correct self-censorship that a lot of companies engage in. Truly refreshing. Andrew

October 29th, 2010, 05:49 PM	#9
Brian P. Reynolds Major Player Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Adelaide, South Australia Posts: 466	It may not be the first paragraph... Its the last. But I always need to smile with the "Pelican Case" lifetime guarantee. [ The last line does it for me !!!] Pelican Products, Inc. guarantees its products for a lifetime against breakage or defects in workmanship. Pelican™ injection molded cases are guaranteed to be watertight to a depth of 3.3 feet (1 meter) for 30 minutes (IP 67) unless otherwise stated if properly closed with undamaged o-ring in place. Pelican’s liability is limited to the case and not its contents or foam. This guarantee does not cover the lamp or batteries (rechargeable or alkaline) for lights. Any liability, either expressed or implied, is limited to replacement of the product. This guarantee is void if the Pelican product has been abused beyond normal and sensible wear and tear. This guarantee does not cover shark bite, bear attack or damage caused by children under five.

October 29th, 2010, 06:02 PM	#10
Andrew Smith Equal Opportunity Offender Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,015	Wouldn't it be so cool if this became an unspoken competition between all the audio/video gear manufacturers? Even if someone doesn't want to buy your product, they would still want to read the manual! Andrew

October 30th, 2010, 02:33 AM	#11
Robin Lambert Regular Crew Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: London Posts: 70	My nomination goes to the "Spy Pen", £30 from Amazon. "Starting photograph in the closed down condition indicating lamp all extinguished press the button short, is first yellow bright period of time to the blue lamp bright namely starting. Attention: If the pattern switch already allocated move set clock for the video recording pattern then enters the video recording pattern to start directly." Simples...

January 20th, 2011, 11:14 AM	#13
Panagiotis Raris Major Player Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Reading, PA USA and Athens, Greece Posts: 269	i had bought a cheap lighter at a bazaar a while back that had one simple warning; do not ignite