Please tell me what you think

[Ray Dunakin]

I'd like some feedback on my newest video before I make it public. I'm particularly concerned about the opening lines of the narration -- I'm not quite sure it works. Any other comments or suggestions would also be appreciated.

YouTube (Short URL)

[Rainer Listing]

Nice footage - I'm thinking the night footage and commentary ( at ~12-20 secs) would be better at the end, make a nice conclusion.

[Allan Black]

Great program Ray. A couple of comments, I think the opening narration is to fast. I don’t think you have to re-record it, but try putting ‘breath gaps’ in all the opening sentences, to suit the pace of the visuals.

Keep doing this until the viewers ‘ear’ settles down to your voice style, but if this is working, maybe all the way through.

Cheers.

[Ray Dunakin]

Originally Posted by Rainer Listing

Nice footage - I'm thinking the night footage and commentary ( at ~12-20 secs) would be better at the end, make a nice conclusion.

Thanks for taking the time to watch and comment. A couple of my recent videos just previous to this on had the night shots at the end, so I wanted to make this a little different and put it up front.

[Ray Dunakin]

Originally Posted by Allan Black

Great program Ray. A couple of comments, I think the opening narration is to fast. I don’t think you have to re-record it, but try putting ‘breath gaps’ in all the opening sentences, to suit the pace of the visuals.

Keep doing this until the viewers ‘ear’ settles down to your voice style, but if this is working, maybe all the way through.

Cheers.

Thank you for your time and comments! I will give that a try.

[Bob Safay]

Ray, great video. I really enjoyed the footage of the old buildings. Things take a long time to rust in that dry climate. My one comment is that in the beginning and also a few times in the body of the video, the music could have been toned down just a bit. also, as the narration could have been slowed down just a bit. Other than that I think it was a hit. Looking forward to more of these trips through time. Bob

[Ray Dunakin]

Thanks Bob!

[Ray Dunakin]

Thanks for all the input! I made a few changes -- put a little "breathing room" between some of the lines of narration, and shifted one line a bit. Here's the final version:

Orizaba Mine, NV 2020

YouTube (Short URL)

Join me as I explore some very picturesque ruins at Orizaba, NV and the Orizaba Mine. This was one of the most interesting sites I visited during my 2020 trip. The mine’s structures are over 110 years old, and include two stationary boilers, a head frame, hoist, and other artifacts. You’ll also see the cabins of the old mining camp.


Music:
“Cinematic Inspiring Piano & Strings”
“Inspiring Piano”
by Siberian Music
https://audiojungle.net/item/inspiri...rings/26619935
https://audiojungle.net/item/inspiring-piano/19265913
Licensed through AudioJungle

[Allan Black]

G’day Ray, despite all the rivets there, you nailed it! Nice work, your narration now works much better than your earlier version.

One thing I meant to add before, can you leave your original video in place, then it’ll be a great tutorial for others here, if you haven’t deleted it that is.

The only other comment I’d make for future productions and you might be doing this already. But using this video as an example, you have an international audience and some folk don’t know where NV is. So maybe start with a map of the U.S. highlight Nevada and zoom in etc.

Cheers.

[Ray Dunakin]

Originally Posted by Allan Black

G’day Ray, despite all the rivets there, you nailed it! Nice work, your narration now works much better than your earlier version.

One thing I meant to add before, can you leave your original video in place, then it’ll be a great tutorial for others here, if you haven’t deleted it that is.

Cheers.

Thanks. Unfortunately I've already deleted the original version.

[Allan Black]

Ray, have you thought about doing any commercial work? You’re a one stop shop, from the script to the final mix. With your beaut drone footage you could easily produce good commercial videos.

A good way to start is to produce gratis community service videos for local Tv. You could move onto local advertisers, eg: using your drone camera, car dealers, real estate etc.

Cheers.

[Ray Dunakin]

Thanks Allan. At this stage of my life the last thing I want to do is start a new business, especially one where I'd have to deal with clients. (Been there, done that, as a freelance illustrator.) I'm having too much fun to spoil it by turning it into a job. :-) I don't even monetize my videos.

If I could find a way to make a buck off my videos without selling my soul, I'd definitely consider it. But I'm in no hurry to do that.

[Allan Black]

Ray, The Nevada Tourist Commission would be a thought.

And I’ll bet the Nevada Historical Society would be happy to hear from you ...

Mining Then & Now - YouTube

Cheers.