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Old August 15th, 2014, 01:32 AM   #1
Major Player
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Flint, Michigan, USA
Posts: 393
Looking For Some Suggestions

Working on a little project... not even close to being done. Actually I will have to reshoot because the audio mishaps and a few other dialog issues. I'm planning a series with maybe 5 to 7 minute episodes. The first one is suppose to make you think you are watching a music video then transition into more of a short film composition. I'm sharing this because Im looking for suggestions of the storyboard. I need this first episode to grab and Im missing that element with this one. The ones to follow are really good. I need to get this first one out of the way. Any good suggestions would be great. This should give some good insight to where Im going with this.

TMT Episode1 on Vimeo

Originally I was looking to put a little visual with this song by Canton Jones and I wanted to emphasize that their are men that honor their marriage covenant out here. Then it grew as i got close to shooting it. I then wrote some dialog the night before shooting so the actors did not have them down really well. But I did get a good Idea as to how it will look and this is all i was really looking to get out of this so far.

This series is about a man (Melvin) who lives a life style of a Christian. We are emphasizing that he is a changed man and look to be a blessing where ever he is. Not trying to go out on the corner and scream JESUS IS LORD! but with the people he has a relationship with and cares for begin to share his testimony and allow them to see inside of his life and how it worked for him and his wife Stephanie.

Episode #1 Introduction to Melvin and we pick up the story when he goes to talk to a friend from back in the day that he use to sell drugs in the street with. They have a tight bond that transcended many years apart. Tony his friend knows that Melvin is a straight person and when he says red he knows to look for blood. This is my attempt to build a thought for the audience to come away with. If we who are Christians just talked to someone we already have a place in there heart to speak to and be transparent to how our life was changed what would be the out come. It is not realistic to go and talk to someone on the street and they be converted on the spot. Even though this has happened when i have done street ministry and it is not practical to expect every single time. It is done primarily by allows people to see inside you life as to the conditions before and after. This is my approach and this is my challenge to have my audience come away with this thought.
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Old August 15th, 2014, 02:54 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Belgium
Posts: 9,482
Re: Looking For Some Suggestions

I think the way you are trying to get the message across is a to literally, to me as a viewer it looks like being a Christian means you have it made in life, you get to drive a big expensive car, you have a nice looking girlfriend, women are all over you and you are able to change a drugsdealers life with a quick chat.

When I read your comment I do understand what you are trying to say but I think you are rushing it, I feel the dialog has been improvised, I even hear the cameraman laughing at something the drugsdealer says. The car also gets way to much screentime, why is that car so important for the story? I think you should disconnect the material stuff from the message you are trying to say, it's not about the car or about the woman, it should be more about the values in life and how being a Christian can make that change to be a better person.

Sorry if I sounded blunt but just trying to give an honest opinion.
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Old August 15th, 2014, 03:20 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Flint, Michigan, USA
Posts: 393
Re: Looking For Some Suggestions

No, I appreciate your comments and they are valid. I'm new at this and this originally started as a music video type thing and night before I added the dialog that is why they seem like they are improvising. They did not have time to get the dialog down. This was my first shot at this and I wanted to show that since he left the streets God has taken good care of him. Actually Im kind of that person. I have a nice house and cars but it is not about the material it is about God providing for me what I could do my self. In the process of my day to day travels Im able to just be myself and also transparent where people can see that Im not what I use to be and the change has changed my family tremendously. I want to make into a series to show the different scenarios that a Christian may go through.
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