How do you get this type of blue sunlight cinematography?

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay, I can get someone else to rewrite the dialogue then, if that's better?

But also, I wrote the dialogue so not as much is explained before, but readers didn't like that before, and they felt not enough was explained, I had to go over certain details in the case, that I did not cover. I thought that the reader could figure certain parts out, but they were not able to they said, and I need to explain the details more, so certain angles are not left uncovered. So how do I do that, but at the same time, not be on the nose?

But so far it's not the plotting that's the problem and it's the dialogue then?

As for the proseutor's importance, I didn't think he was an important character at first, but other readers said to build him up and give him more, so I thought maybe he should be more important therefore, unless I am wrong...

However, it was said before, that at my level I cannot afford another writer to rewrite the dialogue. Therefore, should I just run with it and accept it, if another writer is not in the budget?

[Brian Drysdale]

You've got to hide your exposition within the drama and feed it in drips, not in big blocks. Let the detectives and the audience work things out as the story progresses,

BTW Readers aren't always correct and what they say has to be interpreted in a way that works dramatically.

No, you rewrite the dialogue. However, read other scripts before you do so

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay. When you say drips, are you saying I reveal too much, too fast?

Also, I just gave it a quick edit now, but is this better at all?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/10l1...ew?usp=sharing

But when you say let the detectives and audience work things outside as the story progresses, if you are saying to spread out the plot points in the case, doing so will make the script longer then, and I don't want to go over length, if that makes sense? Or is that not what you mean?

[Brian Drysdale]

Sorry, I'm not going over your script, since I suspect it needs work on the scenes building up to this one. No scene stands alone.

It's up to you to know what's important to the story, you can have all sorts of what abouts suggested, but you have to decide on the key stuff.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay. But when you say I reveal in blocks and not drips, are you saying I give to much away, too fast?

[Brian Drysdale]

Yes, you need to keep the audience intrigued, all this currently sounds like Hercule Poirot revealing the murderer at the end, rather than in the middle of the story. Usually they show this with VO, rather than just having him talk as if it's a stage play.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay but if I decide to draw out the plot longer though, it will become too long and the script length will be too long then, won't it?

[Brian Drysdale]

The script doesn't need to be longer, you just need to be cleverer in how you stricture it.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay, but how is too much revealed in this scene though? Because before it was said that it sounds like exposition, but now there is too much plot, if that is right?

I mean this is page 27 in this scene, so shouldn't some things have already happened by then, or isn't that enough time prior, to have these reveals? Or what is it that makes it too much plot exactly? I've seen movies with busier plots than mine, so I am just wondering, what is it exactly, that makes it too much plot?

[Brian Drysdale]

At that point Act 1 should be over and you're into Act 2. I don't know your overall story, but the main part of the story should have started. by now. I would assume there is some sort of point of no return at the end of the first act will have happened.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay. Yes this is getting around near the end of act 1. Now that the prosecutor has this new information and now has to change his course of action, that is one of the turning points into act 2 more so. But is that bad? I mean usually act 2 seems to start around 30 pages in, give or take, or so I read, so is it bad to start act 2 around this point?

[Brian Drysdale]

For a thriller 30 pages is pretty far in these days, roughly 20 pages it more common for a genre film like that, especially a 90 minute film. They get going very quickly because their audience doesn't like hanging around.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay, well I am not exactly sure where the second act in mine starts. It would either be the turning point, where the main character cop has found the reluctant victim, and talks her into making a statement, and then this is the Act 2 turning point, cause her statement will have plot points in that will drive into the second act...

Or, it would be at this scene when the prosecutor makes a decision based on her statement to take the case in a different direction.

Or would be after she is driven home from the police station and the villains were waiting and make an attempt on her life there.

So it would be at either of these points that the second act starts, which ranges from within page 20-30. But I don't think the audience is left hanging around though, since there is plot points happening about the case during that is still driving the plot, or so I thought.

[Brian Drysdale]

You'll have to decide that, it's usually a climax which is the point of no return. It's' when the main story kicks off.

[Ryan Elder]

Oh okay, so it's okay for other plot points that drive the plot into different directions, to come before the second act as long as they are not point of no return ones?